We went through a few changes in our household with the most recent change becoming a stay at home Mom {aka SAHM}. I had been weighing my options for quite some time, actually before my maternity leave was up. My employer provided an extremely generous maternity leave {almost 6 months!} and I was really struggling with the idea of not being around my son as much. Brian and I decided it would be best for me to go back to work and give it a try. For all I knew it would go much better than I thought.
NOW! Let me preface that what works for me may not work for everyone. I do not, nor have I ever, felt one size fits all when it comes to women in the work force vs. women at home. We all love, adore, cherish our little bambinos! Having a career or staying at home doesn’t mean one loves their child more than the next mama bird. Can we all agree that being a Mom is challenging and at the end of the day we’re all just trying to do what is best for our families??!?
Ok. Now that I’ve cleared the air…
During my time back at work, I throughly enjoyed being around some of my best friends at work. I was happy to see them at the office but I felt like I was floundering when it came to my purpose. Being an analyst has it’s perks – you can just sit at your desk and crank out reports. Head down. Get it done. You don’t really need to go to a ton of meetings nor do you need to be micromanaged. BUT! At the end of every work day, I still felt like I was missing something. Even though I was good at my job I kept feeling this knock on my heart that I needed to be with my son.
As the months went by and sickness continued to hit our household {thanks daycare} I couldn’t help but feel sadden and frustrated that I wasn’t there with Carter. I remember growing up my Mom was ALWAYS there for me when I was sick. Who am I kidding, she still is today {love you Mom}! My heart was breaking with every cold, ear infection, & rash Carter caught because I wasn’t there.
Some days I would only see my son for 45 minutes a day. Yes, re-read that please! With the time it takes to get to work, work a full day, pick up from daycare and drive home – yep some nights I had 45 minutes with my son.
Before I even pulled the trigger I remember talking to another Mom in the office. I really value her work ethic and find that her career goals are sky high. She’s a doer & a dreamer, so naturally, I wanted to pick her brain on how she knew that in order for her to show up as her best self day in and day out – she should stay at her 9-5. Her answer was simple, she just knew. She knew that to be her best self, she should stay in the workplace. The absolute best part about this, is the world needs both of us! I really admire women like this co-worker of mine & I hope she continues to shine bright!
Everything came tumbling down after 5 back to back ear infections – my husband and I had had enough. It was time to make the switch into SAHM & I had this feeling of relief. Making this decision was like 100lb bricks were taken off of my shoulders. I felt like I was already turning into the Mother I envisioned I would always be.
I’ve only been home a little over a week but the sense of accomplishment I have currently exceeds anything I’ve ever done professionally. I’m happy spending time with my son & working on being the best version of myself I can be.
If you made it this far in reading this post – please know you are valued regardless if you’re a working Mom, SAHM, TTC Mom or a woman who is content just being fabulous. There is a seat for everyone at my table, I hope you’ll join me on this journey!
All my love.
Leave a Reply